Squirrel Esplosion
I remembered a thing tonight. From years ago, when I lived on Ham St, from whence my CD player was stolen out of my unlocked car. Yeah, yeah, dumbass. I remember, though.
One time I was walking back from Janeto's. This cornerstore is famous for its meats. I don't know how well they traffic in kidneys, but to judge by the cat piss smell pervading throughout, I'd guess pretty rapidly. Anyway, I used to buy my smokes (and sometimes a fitty cent créme horn) there. This one time, I was walking home from there along Broadway there, and I passed a dead exploded squirrel in the road. There and then my mind diverged, and I was like Whoa.
I felt and thought about the sudden shock and horror of the thing, and also thought, in parallel, of how I would convey the experience to others- or of how I would weblog on it? Maybe. This was way back in my Nihonophiliac killingmachines.org days, before the wife, even. It was a while ago. "I saw this dead squirrel tonight, and-"
But I remember the jarring sensation of noting a thing not only for the thing's sake, or for my sake (via the experience of the thing), but as well for ego's sake of relaying the thing. And I remember thinking 'This is Fed up. Whatmigonna do.'
I still don't know. I also don't know, can't recall, what on earth I felt there and then. Seeing a stupid small animal killed to death by its small stupidity. All I remember is the shock to my system after my first-ever instance of parallel processing. I don't multitask well.
One time I was walking back from Janeto's. This cornerstore is famous for its meats. I don't know how well they traffic in kidneys, but to judge by the cat piss smell pervading throughout, I'd guess pretty rapidly. Anyway, I used to buy my smokes (and sometimes a fitty cent créme horn) there. This one time, I was walking home from there along Broadway there, and I passed a dead exploded squirrel in the road. There and then my mind diverged, and I was like Whoa.
I felt and thought about the sudden shock and horror of the thing, and also thought, in parallel, of how I would convey the experience to others- or of how I would weblog on it? Maybe. This was way back in my Nihonophiliac killingmachines.org days, before the wife, even. It was a while ago. "I saw this dead squirrel tonight, and-"
But I remember the jarring sensation of noting a thing not only for the thing's sake, or for my sake (via the experience of the thing), but as well for ego's sake of relaying the thing. And I remember thinking 'This is Fed up. Whatmigonna do.'
I still don't know. I also don't know, can't recall, what on earth I felt there and then. Seeing a stupid small animal killed to death by its small stupidity. All I remember is the shock to my system after my first-ever instance of parallel processing. I don't multitask well.
1 Comments:
-----
--------
TITLE: I am Baka-O, and I raka disupurin. I got nothing...
CATEGORY: Imported Posts
AUTHOR: Baka-O
DATE: 03/03/2002 09:52:10
-----
BODY:
I am Baka-O, and I raka disupurin. I got nothing at all done yesterday, and then I got a-thinkin' about N. N is the friend of the boyfriend of Eggs, and much like the cheese, he drinks alone. I usually find him in bar drinking alone, and it turns out that he's eavesdropping on his neighbors' conversations. I'm not very good at holding my tongue generally, and even less so when the booze is flowing, so...
Last night I went out to drink alone. Eavesdropping was impossible at the bar due to the Texan alternative band playing. Yeah, I said alternative, as in i1994/i style. The lead singer/rhythm guitarist was wearing a small orange T-shirt with a longjohn shirt underneath, and a Cobain moptop. It was all almost too cute. So I drank my three beers over 90 minutes and left to Carabella's, which was also devoid of kids I know, so I drank my Jameson & Ginger and watched the locals.
The Pope gave some dude a block of cheese. No joke. He just went outside and came back with a brick of something shrouded in a white grocery bag and gave it to some dude. Sometimes a man needs to share his cheese, I guess.
I also had a mildly terrifying revelation, granted by a look into the Dead Squirrel of Truth. You know, a pure insight into the virtue of a man's soul. On seeing it, I was cloven, thinking at once: Oh yeah, I forgot about that dead squirrel, and iI saw this dead squirrel tonight.../i Then, my mind reunified, I remembered that the last time I saw it, one of the first things I'd thought was how I'd tell people about it.
The point is that I almost lack an independent existence. What I posted the other day about my craziness in the old days was due less to the drugs than to the isolation. I can't go a God-damned day without seeing anyone before I start to flip out. Much of my solo-time is spent in practicing imaginary conversations with people. Not out loud, or anything, but-
I worry often about whether I made an ass of myself the night before. Was I out-of-line when I, should I not have, was it stupid when I??? I have a tattoo, you know.
It's the beautiful many-winged angel from the opening sequence of Evangelion, with many eyes on its many wings. I chose it (when Kate was badgering me to get a tattoo) for many reasons, and yet more appear to even this day. The central face in the design is blind; it has only mole-eyes. It is reliant on the eyes in its wings to hold it aloft. The symbolism fairly blatant at several levels.
Let me see if I can't find a nice .gif to img src here... bno/b. But you can a href="http://www.angelfire.com/anime/evangelion2000/ti.asf"watch/a the intro/s, and the target appears at ~3 seconds.
Christ, I can't believe I just spent an hour trying to sift through the masses of crappy Eva fansites.
bAddendum:/b Fucking angelfire. Try scrolling down on a href="http://www.angelfire.com/anime/evangelion2000/downloads.htm"this/a page to "Evangelion Opening" (it's an .asf), and then downloading or straight-out watching the thing.
-----
Post a Comment
<< Home