EXTRA:REJECT ACCEPTED,other commercial notes for immediate release

ITEM: Don Hertzfeldt, of Rejected fame, as well as other Sick & Twisted film festival entries, has been accepted by Pop Tarts. His latest entry features a kid's PT stolen & deposited in pouch by an itinerant kangaroo. As this reviewer has not seen the entire release, a script of his first acceptance follows.
BOX of PopTarts fills screen.
CHORUS: (singing)
STICK MAN pops through O on the box.
Roll title: THE GENIE OF POPTARTICA
SCENE I: STICK KID in living room with table and toaster. GENIE emerges from toaster.
GENIE: (in either an Italian or Jamaican accent) I am the genie of Poptartica! Gimme-a your two wishes, chop-chop!
KID: Iiii... want a pet singing lizard.
GENIE snaps fingers; PET SINGING LIZARD appears wearing bowtie, with microphone and stand.
PET SINGING LIZARD: Shoobity doop da wow, call me.
EXIT PET SINGING LIZARD, screen left.
KID: I want the biggest box of PopTarts in the world!
GENIE snaps fingers, with a Dopplered whistle, BIGGEST BOX OF POPTARTS IN THE WORLD falls, lands on KID*. KID leans out from behind box, gives thumbs up.
CUT to stupid voiced over shot of breaking open PopTart.
SCENE II: KID seated at table, now broken from the weight of BIGGEST BOX OF POPTARTS IN THE WORLD. PET SINGING LIZARD stands nearby.
ANNOUNCER: Kid, start wishing for a bigger toaster.
CURTAIN, return to box of PopTarts from intro.
CHORUS: (sings)
GUY pops out from O
GUY: CURAAAAZY GOOD!
FADE
Note: The link above is to copyrighted material. No royalties are paid to the owner.

ITEM: AutoZone out of the zone
AutoZone has changed its popular Get in the Zone campaign. Whereas the old song was sung throughout the commercial, the new one is totally gay. Call or write your local franchise to beg them not to let the music die. Lyrics reprinted without permission.
Get in the zone, AutoZone
When you want it,
and you need it,
a-just ask us,
and we'll get it...
GUITAR SOLO
VOICEOVER: For the parts and advice, to keep your car running right-
Auto-Zone!
fade

ITEM: Finding Nemo brand cereal spot creepily attentive to detail
   Never slow to capitalize against a competing fish cartoon, Disney has released, via Kellogg's, New Finding Nemo Cereal. The ad features a young shark at breakfast poring, over a bowl of the cereal, over fishes' contradictory roles as friends and food. Deep in thought, instead of squinting like a human, a nictitating membrane slides partway up his eyeball.

EXTRA: LASERSTRAIGHT QUADROON CHICK SMOKING HOT, more page 3.
* Here is, of course, where in the rejected original version, a pool of raspberry filling- or would it be blood? seeped out from under the box.

Dirty basement dealings

I happened to be meandering through my spiderspook basement last night. I ill-chanced to spill beans and rice in my messengerbag, which seemed as valid an omen that I'd ought to do laundry as any, and I assessed the situation as such: any place so befilthed hadn't ought be so well lighted. Cobwebs are merely gross when you can really see them. Horror demands semiïnvisibility.
    As yon mechanized washerwoman churned, I surveyed the other apartments storage areas. Christmas paraphernalia, kayaks, industrial vacuum machines, the usual. And then I came to our unit. It's the fullest one, and of what?
Milk crates
Shoe boxes
Corrugated cardboard boxes including but not limited to:
   Beer boxes
   Table boxes
   Banana boxes
   More shoe boxes
Paint cans
Buckets
   If you should ever pass through the stately season street quadrant and need a container for goods or sundry, stop on by. I suppose that makes our storage area, boxed as it is by chickwired twos by four, a metacontainer of a sort.
   Wheels within wheels, boxes within boxes.